Going to the Dentist, hooray!

Sir, I promise you this is a reputable profession.

“Mr Krok,” whispered Ms Naeema through her crumpled surgical mask, “please have a sit.”

“Oh God!” thought Adam. “Just get it over and done with already.” Adam sat down in the mechanical chair, which he thought very much resembled a human butchery if such a place existed.

“So…” blurted out Adam, skirting hesitantly the edges of the lake of awkwardness which had suddenly flooded the compact, sterile room,and then tragically sinking into her depths“ you know a lot about teeth, yeah?”

“Yes, Mr Krok. I know a lot about teeth.”

“I thought so. So is it fair to call you a very dens person.”

“I beg your pardon, Mr Krok. That is deeply offensive.”

“No, no, it’s a joke, a pun on the latin for tooth, dens, without the e.”

“I see.”

As Ms Naeema spoke, she turned on the first machine of death, I mean, the first dental tool, a spinning, whirling, whizzing, thingamajiggy which Adam immediately intuited would either hurt a lot or tickle him tremendously. But really it was just irritating, like a chipmunk gnawing at your gums out of affection, or an emo toothbrush, grown out his brushes into gnarly curls of mild annoyance.

The second dental tool of mouth destruction was a powerful sucking machine, a long pipe which whittled his spittle to some unknown location. Presumably, thought Adam, to feed the mad experiments of renegade dentists.

“Open. Wider. Now suck.”

Adam grinned, having stated these same words in a context he would rather not relate here. Yes, he had stated these exact words to himself when cleaning his wardrobe of dust using his vacuum-cleaner as the reader, knowing Adam, must have imagined. Adam was rather embarrassed by the uncleanliness of his room.

“Okay Mr Krok, now look away from me.”

Adam grinned even wider this time, remembering these exact words after he lost his virginity.

Adam turned his head to the left, allowing Ms Naeema to suction the left-side of his mouth.

“CHLLLLLLLLL, LLLLLLLL, AHHHH” garbled Adam, imagining what a fucking moron he must look like from the dentist’s position.

“Hmm, where do I look while I’m sitting down. Do I look her in the eyes?”

Adam stared intensely into Ms Naeema’s eyes.

Ms Naeema, her hand slightly shaking and her face perspiring heavier than usual, continued to look into Adam’s mouth. “Oh no he’s a starer.”

“Fuck Adam that was dumb, okay do not look into her eyes. Maybe just look at the roof.”

Adam looked at the roof. “Hmm this isn’t too bad. Man, I feel like a cadaver now. Just don’t move. It’s almost over.”

Ms Naeema continued to push the warblade deeper into his gums, like a giddy Brutus brought before a not-to-be-so-giddy Caesar.

“Don’t cry, Adam. Don’t cry. Hold it in.” Adam began to tear a little.

“What a pussy!” thought Ms Naeema.

“All right Mr. Krok we’re about done here. Just rinse out your mouth thoroughly with that pink liquid over there.”

Adam wasn’t paying attention. All he heard was “pink liquid.”

“Do I rinse or swallow?

Adam ,needless to say, and this being a comedic piece of writing, decided to rinse his mouth.




Writer, poet, philosopher,

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