Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time there was a king. Now this king, more than anything, wanted to be surprised. For over fifty years he had never once been surprised and, missing the sensation of complete shock, he wished to feel it again.

He gathered his court and said “ Gentlemen I am bored and bored and wish one thing to be explored. I need you to surprise me. And if you can’t surprise me in three weeks, I will, well, I will kill you all for disloyalty.”

The court was shocked. But this being a fable not entirely surprised at its ludicrousness. Anyway…

Anyway, the court began to try surprise the king. On the first week they killed his favorite horse and stuffed it into a cake which they brought to the king for dinner. The king, looked once at the cake, sniffed and said “my dear friends this smells a lot like Bucephalus. I shall not eat my prized horse. And also, fuck you all for killing him”

On the second week, the court conspired with the queen. And so when the king walked into his bedroom, and found his wife in the arms of her African slave, the king yawned and laughed. “ My friends,” he said, “ I have known of my wife’s infidelity since my wedding day. Why do you think I sleep with all your wives?”

Frenetic and scared, the court had no idea how to surprise the king before the third week expired. They conspired one last time in the royal chambers when in walked the king. A brilliant scholar and theologian walked right up to the king. He knew what to do. “King, look what I have on my knee”. And the king looked. And lo and behold, the scholar was positioning his fingers into a circle.

Now anyone who is anyone knows this deadly trick. If you look at the circle, you can be punched fairly and justly.

And so the king fell for the trick, a trick he hasn’t seen since primary school.

“Fuck,” said the King, “ you are all free”.

And so the scholar saved the day through sheer bravery. And to this day, the king still laughs.